My wife and I went on a rather long nature trail hike today in the woods near the town we live in. Its a beautiful place (one of the trails pictured above) with many different trails anywhere from .5 miles to 6.8 miles in length. As we walked on into the trails we see signs off and on showing a man hiking and a similar one beneath it with a man riding a horse, the horse one however has a strike through it announcing that horses are prohibited on walking trails. Funny thing is, after we get into the trail a bit we find a multitude of horse tracks all along the hiking trails. I looked at them all and told my wife, "so much for no horses eh?! I mean man, they have many more horse trails in this area than hiking trails and still the riders insist on going where they are not supposed be." Then it popped into my head, isn't it just like people when it comes to any form of law or command, Gods law, or even mans law says "thou shalt not", and we stand up and scream, "I shalt!" (btw, I got that 'thou shalt not/I shalt' thing from Steve Brown lol) But anyway it just stood out to me and it felt really good to be just walking along and thoughts of spiritual growth meander their way through my head as I noticed little things like that. Its remarkable because lately I have been purposely trying to steer my mind away from anything spiritual at all, sort of an auto self protect mode since I couldn't be nice to myself when I did. I know its nothing enlightening, but for me its a marker for me to stake down in my heart as part of the right road traveled.

Finding Fellowship :-)

I started this blog again for the sole reason to hopefully find "fellowship" with like minded believers. I have missed having some semblance of support, even though while plugged into the organized system was some what borg-ish (understood probably only by at least semi-trekies). I wasn't sure if it was possible to feel that connection or not, and even kind of afraid that I would, if that makes a bit of sense. To make a possible long story short, I did! And I am very grateful to the people who have reached out and been a hand of the "Church" to me. I have long felt that the church was so much more than the organizations that I have for so long been apart of but was held back by controlling propaganda, and my own fears. The love of Christ that these wonderful people in the blog world who have extended their hearts and experiences to me has shown me that what my heart cried to my mind is true, and I have learned an all new way of listening to the song Amazing Grace, as a particular line has taken all new meaning "I once was blind but now I see" (not to mention Chris Tomlin's "my chains are gone" version, a new favorite). I don't feel alot better, but I do feel a bit stronger (thanks to the support of my dear wife, and the rest of you). We are going to go and watch a movie tonight with my mom and aunts, please pray for me if you see this before 7-ish tonight to keep a firm grasp on my emotions and display some sort of control, I don't want to engage in any sort of spiritual discussion but I know what happens when remarks are made that open old wounds. Thank you for your prayers.
Ron

This made me think of Matthews "Cafe Mocha latte" post

My sister sent me this picture, just had to share it. No spiritual insight in it just a picture that should be hanging in every starbucks..................

Obedience struggles

I read a post today by bino, it was posted a few days ago and I was really blessed by it. The topic of it was obedience, something which I have had a great deal of problems with. I was by the most part raised in the Assembly of God church and taught that obedience was doing the will of God as defined by the 10 commandments, Gods moral law. I know that in being a child of God I have the desire to not sin, but it's a very hard struggle and in all honesty I have a hard time believing that I will ever come close to winning that struggle. I mean, I hate it when I sin, it makes me feel sick when I do, its just that there are so blasted many sins, seems like I can't turn around and smile without realizing I have done or thought something that was wrong. Good Grief! It wouldn't bother me so much I suppose if all the thoughts about losing my salvation wouldn't get in the way, many well meaning teachers have told me that salvation was a road traveled, and if a "saved person" strays off of the road they are ok as long as the do not go a so far off of it that they can no longer see the road (I know, I know how it sounds lol). I have come to understand the grace message enough to know better than that, but I guess it just hasn't fully superceded the old teachings yet (which is why bino's post and many of the comments there, were so spiritually thirst quenching to me). I remember a sermon one day that was very much concentrated on the sermon on the mount pointing out all of the ways in which we are to act as Christians and how easy it is to do the wrong thing. It was suggested that we know the bible so well that we should be like the priests that have the little scripture tied to their foreheads as a constant reminder. I actually memorized the sermon on the mount after that, sure that if I had it always there I wouldn't do the things that it says not to do and do the things it says to do. The result was a slow and arduous fall into failure and more sin. I now understand what Paul and so many of the brothers and sister have been saying out there, that more concentration on obeying the law trying not to sin actually brings about and gives life to sin. A friend at work told me about a restaurant that she went to and it really brought home the understanding of the concept of "doing what I am told not to do". In this restaurants ladies room, there is a large painting of a Scottish man wearing a kilt, the kilt however was not a painting but a real kilt. There is a sign next to it saying "Do Not Look Under This Kilt!" Come on, what are you gonna do? LOL. Problem is when you raise the kilt up it sets off a bell in the dinning room and every one out there knows that you peeked. I can imagine the lady coming out of the restroom after looking and hearing a bell go off outside thinking, "Oh Man, I have to go out there and really act like I didn't do this or look like a real fool!" At least that's what I would think anyway, and that is how I always thought when I did or thought something wrong, my look like a good Christian switch would come on. Anyway, I know I went on a bit and did not mean to go that far, I guess I'm just still struggling a bit with not being as perfect as I feel like I should be, I am only just starting to be able to read the bible again without feeling like I was going to hell if I die tomorrow, so my scripture knowledge is not really up to par as you can tell from the lack of scripture verse reference, which is fairly heavy weight in itself on my heart. I am glad to have a place to go and read the hearts and the love that so many of the brothers and sisters here pour out, it is healing salve to a wounded soul, not only to mine but many others as well.

Re-Starter

Re-Starter,,,,,,,seems like a fitting title because, in summary, I had a blog that I had started before called "Nervous Starter", it was mentioned that the content was possibly a bit personal. After looking at it for a while it made me feel tripped out so it had to go, I picked up the feeble amount grace understanding that I had and ran like mad lol.
Anyway, I shall wait until I get a bit more comfortable with people before saying much personal, even though I have an odd sense of what is considered personal most of the time :)
So here I am having another go, and will try not to run again.